In a recent news interview, a medical professional was being grilled regarding Donald Trump’s contention that what is known in NZ as paracetamol poses serious risk of later autism to pregnant women’s as yet unborn bairns.
The interviewee was a bit lost for words. Despite the seriousness of Trump’s allegation, she had trouble stifling a large and dismissive guffaw, eventually remarking that it was all so ridiculous it was akin to something out of an episode of “The Simpsons”.
The nerve of the woman..! Did she not realise the warning had come from the sphinctered lips of the world’s most stable genius? The man who suggested one of his senior health officials jump-to and check out the undoubted benefits of mainlining a shot of household bleach to zap those pesky Covid nasties..?
Why, the Donald is certainly one of the world’s foremost experts on all things medical. He no doubt acquired the highest and finest medical degree money could buy from Trump University itself. Before it went bankrupt. Or was shut down on fraud charges. Or whatever it was that thankfully saw to its rapid demise. Along with Trump Airlines, and Trump Charity, et al.
The stable genius’s framed medical degree probably hangs alongside the Environmental Science PhD he coincidentally also obtained from Trump University before its collapse. The knowledge acquired in gaining this prestigious qualification allowed him to recently harangue the United Nations Assembly on how climate warming is the world’s greatest con – right up there alongside the Trump Crypto meme hustle.
But his expertise doesn’t stop at nailing the sinister link between autism and paracetamol, charlatans and climate collapse. He’s also a military strategy genius. According to him, George Washington won the American Revolutionary War in the latter 1700s by divining when to strategically close the airports – a difficult thing to pull off given the Wright brothers’ first heavier-than-air flight was still well over a century away, and thus airports in Washington’s time were a bit thin on the ground. But you can’t buy this degree of quality analysis and perceptiveness. Except possibly if you’re the favourite son of a billionaire rack-renter.
Enough. One could go on virtually ad infinitum. The grotesque matrix of egotism, self-delusion and sheer idiocy and vindictiveness that drives this toxic clown knows no bounds. If he has some element of genius, it’s in how he’s so far managed to avoid prison, probably from about the time he had a doctor’s note affirming gnarly bone spurs were the only thing preventing this Patriot Extraordinaire from commencing active duty in Vietnam.
And yet… yet… somehow this walking talking tumour has ended up President of the planet’s most powerful nation – if you care to measure ‘powerful’ by things military.
How so? That’s one awfully big ‘how’, but there are lots of explanations, rationalisations, call them what you will.
They go something like, “Oh, all the blue-collar types were so fed up with the Clinton/Obama/Biden same-old same-old beltway BS they would have voted for Lucifer himself just to get a break. (Funnily enough, that’s exactly what they may have indeed ended up doing.)
Or, “Don’t take him literally, take him symbolically..”, and so on…
And yet all these assertions somehow still don’t seem to compute as to how Trump again managed to corral sufficient support for a Presidential repeat, given his multiple dingbat pronouncements had now had highly public exposure for the best part of a decade. In particular, why, for instance, did so many more Latinos decide to vote for him in 2024? And why did Blacks and women also increase their support? The very groups conventional wisdom would say would be anti-Trump. These, with his heartland White support – allied to the skewed electoral college voting system – were enough to get him over the line.
Perhaps what does still stack up, though, is Albert Einstein’s old quote about there being only two certainties in life – the infinity of the universe and the infinite capacity of humans for extreme stupidity. Although Albert added he wasn’t totally sure about the infinity of the universe bit.
But the universe is a strange place. I haven’t quite figured it out myself yet. All I know is, while lots of good things go on, an inordinate amount of slimy weirdness also crawls out from under rocks wherever you look. Think of the plethora of creepy creatures Mr Attenborough seems to keep on finding, the ones which look – if magnified – as though they’ve just stepped out of the Star Wars cantina scene. Many strange entities, capable of doing many strange things.
And thus we have the parallel universe Trump inhabits, where truth is for suckers and every business, political, social and personal transaction is reduced to a vicious zero-sum game in which the ‘opponent’ must be crushed. A dimension where multiple bankruptcies are seen as business triumphs because creditors owed millions are left high and dry, where rapist immigrants eat the pets of American patriots, paracetamol causes autism, and George Washington controlled the airports.
But the truly chilling corollary is that millions of his fellow Americans apparently share this alternate reality.
Pity. For a while there, it rosily looked as though the planet was on a steady upward trajectory regarding human rights, mutual respect, and international co-operation. Sure, there were hiccups along the way, as when an Adolf or some other megalomaniac occasionally crawled out of the woodwork to wreak havoc. Yet by and large, democracy, general decency and a rules-based international order seemed on the up.
But alas, we may have only been kidding ourselves. Maybe there is no Grand Plan for an inexorably advancing humanity. That we’re fated instead to be forever foiled by rogue random mutations which – for neither rhyme nor reason – drag themselves out of swamps to spoil best laid plans of mice or men.
Now, sorry to say, one such one is back on the prowl again. When he was publicly lambasting Ukraine’s President Zelenskyy for not licking Putin’s boots too, he remarked in partial mitigation, “but this’ll make great TV…!” In Trump’s parallel universe, the only thing that matters is ratings. Even more scary, millions of Americans share his mutant vision.
Even should he see out his current term and vacate the White House without undue ruction, the transition back to a post-Trump world where facts matter, words have meaning, and integrity is not an aberration may still be no walk in the park.
Frank Greenall has been a copywriter, scriptwriter, artist, political cartoonist, adult literacy tutor and administrator, and Whanganui Chronicle columnist for many years, amongst numerous other sundry occupations. His cartoons and articles have appeared in most major NZ newspapers at various times. He has a BA in politics and a Masters in adult literacy/numeracy. https://stevebaron.co.nz/author/frankgreenall/
Sarah M. says:
Brilliant piece, Frank! The airport line had me in stitches. It’s terrifying how many people don’t see the absurdity anymore.
LBG says:
I agree wholehaeartedly.
Jennifer K. says:
Thanks for this. I’ve been trying to explain to my overseas friends how this happened and you’ve captured it perfectly. The alternate reality bit is spot on.
Marcus says:
I teach American history and the George Washington airports bit STILL makes my brain hurt. How do people not fact-check even the most basic claims? This is what we’re dealing with – a complete disconnect from reality. And millions are fine with it. That’s the truly terrifying part.